In Short, Reno
by LadyNightRunner
Summary: Just how zany, insane, unpredictable, thoughtful, prophetic, and touching can Reno be? Is he really as dumb as he likes to make you think he is? 100 themes to tell what hides inside that pretty redheaded Turk.


Hooray! After an age of banging my head against all available solid surfaces, I sat down yesterday and wrote the last 70 of these in a couple of hours. I do admit that they are absolutely nutty in some places, but very introspective in others. I'd love to hear which were your favorites, and why, if you have them.

Cid and Sephiroth are being worked on. If you want to see another character done, or a match, tell me.

This was written for KajaKataMaran, who asked for the same list as Tseng. I'm afraid my policy is to use a different theme set each time I do a 100 theme list, but I did integrate Tseng and some of his themes into it. See if you can find them all!

Also, points for anyone who can find references to other songs, events, phrases, and things that have nothing to do with the world of FFVII.  
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**001: Blend **

Once, Tseng made the mistake of accepting Reno's offer of a cup of the coffee Reno brought in every morning. He'd been expecting something sweet and possibly not properly brewed, but what he wound up with was a mouthful of knock-your-socks-off strong coffee at a temperature hot enough to burn the roof of his mouth. Reno laughed as his boss spluttered.

"My special blend," he said proudly.

**002: Stain**

One of the useful things about growing up the way he did: Reno can take stains of any kind out of anything. Blood on a white shirt? No problem. Unnamed slime from dress socks? Sure thing. Lipstick? Yep. Coffee? Mmhm. Ballpoint pen? Yes, Tseng, he can do that, too.

**003: Island**

There are times, when everyone around him is acting all sophisticated and classy, that Reno believes he has been marooned on 'Can't be classy if my life depends on it' Island.

**004: Apple**

The only kind of apple Reno likes is the sour green kind, and he makes a point of eating them in front of Tseng, then laughing when his boss shudders and finds an excuse to leave.

**005: Paper **

Reno is good at making paper airplanes. Unfortunately, they seem to have a built-in homing device set for Tseng's coffee.

**006: Relax **

If there were a competition to see who can be the most laid-back, Reno would win. Hands down.

**007: Leaves **

There are few things he enjoys more than jumping in piles of dry leaves. Burning the piles comes in a close second.

**008: Proof**

"Reno, why on earth did you get those tattoos?"

"Proof."

"Of?"

"That I'm still alive and kicking after everything the world has thrown at me."

**009: Ugly **

Note to self:Never, _ever_ call Rude ugly.

**010: Book **

When it comes to inventive ways to be irritating, Reno wrote the book. He also did a sequel on ways to entertain oneself and one's colleagues in a meeting.

**011: Brood **

Let it be known to all that need to know that Reno _can_ do anything, including keeping track of a brood of hyper-active children.

**012: Mesh **

Reno has a knack for making things fit. It doesn't matter if those things are his work life (strict) and his personal life (wild), or his friends (varied) and his coworkers (Turks). He'll find a way to make them all mesh together.

**013: Soft **

His hair is his one vanity, and he is careful to keep it clean, soft, and tangle-free. Only Rude knows about this, and he is sworn to secrecy.

**014: Shelf **

Hidden in the midst of Reno's extensive movie collection is a section devoted to cheesy anime that went out of style years ago. It sits on the third shelf up, and he is careful not to draw attention to it.

**015: Alone **

When he's with company, he's loud-mouthed, sarcastic, and the center of whatever attention is available. On his own, however, Reno draws into himself, remembering when it was always him and him alone.

**016: Fall **

Pride goeth before a fall, or so the saying goes. For Reno, however, pride came along for the ride. He survived the fall of the Sector 7 plate and came out terribly proud of himself, after the pain faded.

**017: Knot **

Reno can't tie two things together to save his life. Tseng finds this terribly funny.

**018: Crowd **

Two may be company, but one Reno can be a crowd if the alcohol is plentiful.

**019: Denial **

Reno swears up, down, and sideways that he is _not_ an adrenaline junkie.

**020: Train **

Even if he has been on the move for over 48 hours without a wink of sleep and he has a three hour ride ahead of him, Reno can't sleep on a train. It takes serious drugs to remedy, and he'd rather deal with the exhaustion, thanks.

**021: Fur **

He's allergic to dogs. He thinks it's silly. He will never again poke fun at the K-9 handlers from the regular army.

**022: Chrome **

Note to self: never call Rude 'Chrome Dome' unless you are well out of reach. The use of a radio or walkie-talkie is advised.

**023: Heart**

If there is screaming, smoke, chaos, or a minor disaster in the ShinRa building and it isn't in the labs, it is quite likely that Reno may be found at the heart of the disturbance.

**024: Intention **

The mission outline dictated that he was to get in, kill two people, and get out. No evidence and no lolly-gagging. Naturally, he had his own agenda.

**025: Push **

Reno has tried to pull open doors that don't swing that way more times than he can count.

**026: Look **

Looks can be very, _very _deceiving.

**027: Weight **

In spite of his valiant attempts and habit of eating all manner of junk food, Reno's weight stays stubbornly below the average for someone of his height. He has given up on trying to change this and settles for taking advantage of his apparent ability to eat anything.

**028: Spider **

Among his collection of strange and unnecessary abilities is a talent for shadow puppets. A sucession of creepy-crawly shadows has ensured he will never be assigned any kind of diplomatic baby-sitting duty ever again.

**029: Robe **

Entirely comfortable in his own skin, Reno doesn't see the point in the plush terry-cloth dressing-gown Tseng gave him. He received it after Tseng came knocking on Reno's door far too early for Reno to bother with civilized niceties like clothing.

**030: Umbrella **

A newspaper will do until he's out of sight of the ShinRa building and he can throw it down and leap into the nearest puddle.

**031: Surface **

No matter how solid it looks, the water is always deep and cold under the ice.

**032: Idea **

First, the corners of his mouth curve up. Then the corners of his eyes crinkle. His eyes start to glitter with excitement. He snickers softly and cracks his knuckles, ready to go. Tseng calls Rufus to let him know there will be a delay and then ducks behind the nearest solid object. Reno has a plan. God save us all.

**033: Diamond **

Pants: rumpled, dirty, about to fall off his non-existent hips. Shirt: wrinkled, half unbuttoned. Jacket: AWOL. Tie: ran off with the jacket. Shoes: scuffed. Mag-rod: clean, a little worn, ready for action. Earrings: flawless gems. It's the little things that matter.

**034: Blind **

Late at night, Reno turns off all the lights, closes the curtains, closes his eyes, and moves around the apartment, memorizing everything by the things he can feel when he can't see them.

**035: Flow **

"You know what your problem is, Tseng? You keep fighting the way the world works. Just let it take you where it wants and life will be a whole lot better."

**036: Movement **

On very good days, when he isn't hungover, isn't late, had a good breakfast and hot coffee, and knows there's something fun waiting for him in the office, Reno dances up the steps to work, each step perfect and completely spontaneous.

**037: More **

When he was four years old and saw the upper Plate for the first time, he realized that you can never stop seeing, because there is always more that you have never seen and there is no way you can go without seeing it.

**038: Honey **

Note to self: do not use pet-names and endearments when speaking to Elena.

**039: Weather **

"I'm not going out there!"

"Do I want to know why not?"

"Have you looked outside this morning?"

"I have. Why?"

"I'm not driving in that!"

"Reno, it's an inch of snow. I expect to see you in here in half an hour."

**040: Blue **

His suit, his eyes, his shoelaces (non-regulation), and his tongue. Reno likes hard candy.

**041: Double **

When bargaining with Reno, always take twice as much as you plan to offer. With him, it is double or nothing.

**042: Braid **

'What are you doing?"

"Braiding this before you get it burned off."

"Do I want to know where you learned that?"

"Ladies love it."

"I thought not."

**043: Thread **

When sewing buttons back on his shirt (which happens often, due to his disregard for his clothing), Reno uses eye-smarting shades of thread just to see what Tseng will say.

**044: Angles **

Reno does not have a single body part that is suitable for use as a headrest. This also makes him a highly uncomfortable landing pad during sudden, unplanned exits from upper-story windows.

**045: Daydream **

Sometimes, he wonders what it would be like if he had let them all think the Sector Seven Plate had killed him.

**046: Nightmare **

When he wakes up in the middle of the night, deathly afraid of going back to sleep, he shuffles to the closet and takes out a duffle bag. From the bag he takes one fine dress shirt, one woman's blouse, and one torn suit jacket. Thus armed, he climbs back into bed, knowing no nightmare would dare come back when there are four Turks in the bed instead of one.

**047: Honor **

Let Tseng rant and complain all he likes. Maybe Reno doesn't understand the rules and rituals Tseng lives by, but he understands honor, perhaps better than Tseng does.

**048: Palm **

Agent: Reno

Assignment: Capture Karl McKenna, incapacitate/kill entourage

Completed: Yes

Summary: Agent shinnied up palm tree and bombarded target with coconuts. Three guards dead, five concussed, McKenna successfully captured.

**049: Screen **

"Fuck, yo! Stop touching me! It hurts!"

"I offered sun screen before we were off the chopper, Reno. This is hardly my fault. Hold still."

"Yeow! That's _cold_!"

**050: Warmth**

Skinny as he is, Reno is also a source of constant heat and is a welcome addition to any assignment in places that tend to have chilly weather.

**051: Comfort **

Sometimes, all he can do is shuffle into the office, head for the nearest Turk, and fall on them. He says nothing. They say nothing. Turks take care of their own.

**052: Kiss **

"Hey, Reno. Look up."

"Huh? Aww, hell no!"

"If you're under the mistletoe, you have to kiss!"

"Elena, that's not fair!"

"She has a point, Reno."

"But-"

"Pucker up,_ partner._"

**053: Soft **

Reno likes to pet Tseng's hair when Tseng is busy doing paperwork.

**054: Pain **

After seeing Reno get bonked on the head with a golf club and come up laughing, Rude has decided that Reno's pain receptors must be cross-wired with his pleasure receptors, because that is _not_ natural.

**055: Potatoes **

_Milk_

_Apples_

_Bleach_

_Potatoes (food)_

_Bacon_

_Potatoes (ammo)_

_Ice Cream_

_Thread_

_Black paint_

**056: Rain **

_"Singing in the rain, I'm singing in the rain! What a glorious feeling, I'm happy again!"_

_"Reno, this is an official channel _only_."_

**057: Chocolate **

A good way to cause trouble is to pick all the chocolates out of Elena's candy dish, give them to Tseng, and then inform Elena that Rude gave them to him and how was he supposed to know that they were hers, then sit back and watch the ensuing argument.

**058: Happiness **

Is a warm, sunny spot and a few minutes for a nap.

**059: Telephone **

Using throat mikes is like playing telephone; somehow, 'nothing to report, sir' can become 'she's single for sure' in seconds.

**060: Ears **

Nothing gets Tseng's attention faster than a wet willy.

**061: Name **

"You named your ferret _Numnums_?"

"Yeah. So?"

**062: Sensual **

Reno.

**063: Death **

He maintains that, if death is ever personified, it will most certainly be a woman and she'll have a killer body- pun intended.

**064: Sex **

_Occupants of these offices are forbidden to engage in the following activities while in the office: gunplay, swordplay, foreplay, darts (poison or pub), paintballing, pole dancing, making ramen in the coffee pot, painting obscene symbols and phrases on the wall, building/testing explosives, testing poisons, intercourse, pick-pocketing, singing crude songs, stripping, interrogating, groping, or any combination of the above._

_-posted on the outer door to the Turk offices _

**065: Touch **

Note to self: just because Tseng is holding the cute little prickly thing does not mean that grabbing the nearest one and cuddling it in an attempt to one-up him is a good idea.

Note to self: Credit/ID/Pass cards are useful for removing smooth spines, but not barbed ones.

Note to self: Sucking poison from wounds is a good way to numb your tongue.

Note to self: Don't touch the damn prickly things.

**066: Weakness **

The great moral dilemma: booze or women?

**067: Tears **

Reno tends to laugh long, hard, and silently until he is reduced to tears, often alarming Elena, who looks up/in/around the corner just in time to see him rolling on the floor with tears streaking his face. Her worry generally starts the whole process all over again.

**068: Speed **

Faster than a speeding bullet! Able to leap the ShinRa building in a single bound! Dressed in only the finest of Elena's lingerie! It's……..Super Turk!

**069: Wind **

"Comeoncomeoncomeon!"

"No."

"Why not, yo?"

"Reno, those are gale-force winds. I am not going out there to attempt to fly a kite with you and possibly get blown into the nearest solid surface."

**070: Freedom **

The Turk suit means only two things to Reno: family, and freedom.

**071: Life**

"_Another_ kid? What the hell?"

"Is it your goal to land on every baby space on this board, Reno?"

"Perhaps this is a warning to change your ways, Reno."

"Like hell it is!"

"You have a second vehicle just to carry around all of your offspring. I'd say someone is trying to tell you something."

**072: Jealousy **

Note to self: Rude does not envy my silky locks.

**073: Hands **

Reno wore gloves before he decided that it was silly to use a weapon without taking the sheath off first.

**074: Taste **

_"We got no class, no taste, no shirt, and-"_

Click

"Hey!"

"I am fully aware of that, Reno. I don't need you to put it to music so I can remember."

**075: Devotion **

Three times a week, Reno crawls out of bed early, lights a candle, gets out his beads, and spends an hour kneeling before his tiny shrine to Ifrit.

**076: Forever **

Mementos and trinkets get lost and forgotten. First impressions last forever.

**077: Blood **

"Reno, you have blood on your- _ughh!_"

"Whassa matter, bossman?"

"You just…just…that…._llp_."

"'s just blood, boss. Tastes pretty damn good, too."

**078: Sickness **

On the rare occasions when Reno finds himself sick enough to warrant care, he milks it for all it's worth.

**079: Melody **

He should have realized that Melody and Harmony were twins. And he should have guessed that they had Clef for a brother. And possibly that they also had most of the orchestra their father conducted to protect them.

**080: Star **

Even though he knows it's not true, it's fun to imagine that stars are really fireflies stuck to some sticky cosmic sheet.

**081: Home **

Is where your ferret is.

**082: Confusion**

Nothing breaks up a little gunfight like a herd of chocobos stampeding through.

**083: Fear **

"For the last time, there's nothing about this warehouse that you should be afraid of. Get out there and do your job."

"What, I'm not allowed to be afraid of crawling right up to a rat?"

"No, you aren't."

"Ever been bitten by a really big rat, Tseng?"

"No, I can't say I have."

"Have you ever had to fight with them for food and lost?"

"No, I-"

"Have you ever watched them eat the flesh off a dead body?"

"Reno-"

"I'm afraid of rats. If you want someone to crawl across this floor and go flip the damn switch, then you can do it. I'm staying here where I can fry anything that gets near me."

**084: Lightning/Thunder **

Due to his affinity for high places, danger, rain, adrenaline, bad timing, and simply stupid actions, Reno has been hit or nearly hit by lightning no less than three times.

**085: Bonds **

What is stronger than steel, stretchier than rubber, stickier than super glue, harder to get rid of than skunk stink, tougher than old leather, harder to find than Vincent Valentine, as innocent as a baby chocobo, a better high than any drug, more addicting than coffee, and more precious than life itself? Family.

**086: Market **

"You don't wanna go there, Laney."

"Why not? I've heard good things about it."

"Rip Tide has been a meat market for as long as I've lived in Midgar. Pretty little single women go in, but they don't come out. Try Inverted Nirvana if you want to dance."

**087: Technology **

All the high-tech security systems in the world can't stop Reno when he wants something.

**088: Gift **

There is paint splattered in the hallway with small foot prints leading out of it, a sheen of oil on the tiles outside Rufus' office with a human-sized skid mark in it, a mess of honey and chocobo feathers in the garage, and absolutely no indication that it was all orchestrated by the lanky redhead currently napping in the sunny spot on Tseng's desk.

**089: Smile **

Thin-lipped: duck; Teeth baring: pray; Ear-to-ear: a job well done; Crooked: prepare to be pranked; Picture perfect: meltdown to commence in 3…2…1…

**090: Innocence **

Reno protects Elena, even though she doesn't recognize it. He doesn't want her to be like him, jaded and wary at such a young age.

**091: Completion **

He wouldn't be who he is without the Turks. They are as much a part of him as his attitude, his sense of humor, and his quick fists.

**092: Clouds **

"Looks like a ferret."

"No it doesn't."

"What do _you _see, then?**"**

"A formation of vapor and water molecules."

"You are _so_ missing the point."

**093: Sky **

His eyes are like the sky: blue, clear, and so endless that you're likely to still be staring when they cloud over and you get an electric shock.

**094: Heaven **

Sleepy ferret, warm spot on the carpet, bottle of root beer, and a plate of green apple slices. A little piece of heaven.

**095: Hell **

"Bet you twenty that the chick at the end is on the table with her shirt off in less than ten minutes."

"I'll take it. Ten on the guy three tables from us passing out before the night's over."

"Forty that you're both wrong and a fight breaks out at the table in the east corner."

"All three of you are going to hell."

"Hand basket secured, sir. You coming with?"

**096: Sun **

Cloudy days mean sullen Reno, leading Elena to believe Reno is solar-powered.

**097: Moon **

Note to self: no matter how funny I think it is, it is neither appropriate nor amusing to moon visiting dignitaries, regardless of how I feel about their policies.

**098: Waves **

On land, Reno is casual, graceful, collected, and a joy to watch in motion. Put him on or in water and the opposite is true.

**099: Hair **

Frantic running around the office while yelling a stream of gibberish and flailing in everyone's general direction was Reno's way of telling his coworkers that he had found his first white hair.

**100: Supernova**

Naturally, Reno's interest in the cosmos is due to the number of fascinating and very large explosions and disasters that occur.


End file.
